B&D For Beginners

B&D For Beginners

Andrew wrote on 2008 February, 22

If you and your partner are ready to cross over to “the dark side” of sex, then welcome to the world of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, and Sadomasochism). The lifestyle isn’t just about whipping or handcuffing someone. It’s about communication, trust, and mutual pleasure between both parties. There are three basic areas of BDSM: BD (Bondage and Discipline), DS (Domination and Submission) and SM (Sadomasochism). Come see if any aspects of BDSM do it for you and your sexmate.


With Bondage, the Dominant gets pleasure from seeing the submissive constricted by either tying the person up or handcuffing them, forcing the sub to honor the Dom’s every command. The best way to get started is to first use a light restraint like a silk scarf to tie the sub to the bedpost or chair. If it works out, the Dom can then move on to using rope, leather restraints, and handcuffs. To heighten the experience, the sub can also be blindfolded.

With Discipline, the Dom can command the sub to perform a certain act like oral sex. This is where it can get interesting because if the sub decides to resist, they will be punished (and a true sub will want to be disciplined). If you are the Dom, begin with light spanks. If your partner is taking the pain okay, intensify the spanking. As you both get more into it, try using paddles, whips, or canes.


In Domination and Submission, the Dom takes pleasure in controlling the other person while the sub gets pleasure from being controlled. This can be as simple as the Dom ordering the sub to not touch themselves while watching porn to being ordered to call the Dom “master” at all times.


Sadomasochism is the most extreme aspect of BDSM. Basic SM involves biting, nibbling, and scratching. More advanced SM can include melting candle wax on the skin, applying nipple clamps, and caning.


Before You Begin

It’s essential to know if you are comfortable being the Dominant, the submissive, or both (also called a switch). Otherwise, you will not enjoy the lifestyle. Talk to your partner about establishing boundaries and clearly decide who’s the Dominant and who’s the submissive. Also have a “safe” word to use during play in the event one of you is feeling uncomfortable and wants to stop. A good safe word would be something like “alarm” or “tree” – a word that wouldn’t be misconstrued during roleplay.

To add to the excitement, you can dress the part. There are tons of outlets that sell Body Suits, Fetish Footwear, and all the proper accessories.

Last but not least, don’t forget that BDSM isn’t just about pain: it’s also about pleasure. So if you are not enjoying yourself, stop immediately.

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