Your Sex Horoscope #9

Your Sex Horoscope #9

Andrew wrote on 2008 April, 03 "You will also find that the sex horoscopes usually tell you what signs you should look for in a mate. The sign that the person is will make a huge difference in the way that they get along."

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

This water sign’s attracted to partners who seek a better world. Therefore, the best place to find the right person is at a peace rally. When you do find him or her, go right up to them and say, “Let’s make love, not war.”

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

Your sensitivity and need to be reinforced can make a partner run for hills. But no worries. If it happens, there are other “fishes” in the sea. And there’s nothing wrong with sex for one – at least for a little while.

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

The sign of the Ram often finds himself/herself butting heads with a partner. Try to agree to disagree and also come to a compromise: tonight, they get to be on top. Tomorrow, you’ll be on top.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

The Bull’s determination is an almost assurance of getting whatever they want. But they shouldn’t get too used to it. Sometimes, it’s good when you don’t get your way. That way, you appreciate it more, especially when it comes to s-e-x.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Perhaps because your sign is The Twins, you have more brainpower than most of the other signs. You love to be intellectually challenged, which often makes it difficult for you to be satisfied with a match. Your best bet: fuck a nerd.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Cancerians are super affectionate creatures who are strong-willed and often get their way. That means they’ll be getting exactly what they want after sex tonight: lots of cuddling.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

Leos are a lot like the sun: they love when the world evolves around them. This explains why Leos make great strippers, cage dancers, and Wet T-Shirt contestants.  So look for the next Amateur Night and knock yourself out.


Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

People who fall under this sign are good communicators and have the ability to resolve issues quickly. So if you’re looking for a fight with a Virgo, you’ll just have to role play. Afterwards, you won’t even want have to role play the make up sex.


Libra (September 23 - October 22)

The sign of the Scales has such grace and style: they can make friends with nearly everyone. At that next party, chances are you’ll not only be the hit of the party, you’ll be hit on by nearly everyone at the party.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpions are very intuitive creatures, which makes it difficult to keep secrets from them. This means you’re going to have to try extra hard to keep that “surprise” doctor or nurse uniform under wraps.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

The sign of The Archer has a thirst for knowledge: they love to digest everything they can. Before sex tonight, play a game of Trivial Pursuit. Winner gets a (insert activity here).

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

As the hardest workers of the Zodiac, Capricorns will stop at nothing to get what they want. Just keep at that person you’ve been wanting to hook up with. Eventually, they’ll soften. Or harden.



For entertainment purposes only.


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